First Editing

It was a horrible day as we moved in to our new home. But it wasn’t new at all it was old and dark spiders crawled up the door. It was like we were moving it to a dark hole where there  halloween decorations everywhere. I wasn’t even brave enough to check the place out.

My mum and dad showed me my room I was surprised because there was already a bed in it. as I was getting settled I heard a whisper coming from underneath my bed saying “Welcome to my home” in a smooth voice. I was eager to look underneath so I did but no one was there.

I rushed downstairs to tell my parents but as I ran past the room opposite from mine I heard another whisper coming from behind a draw. Looking behind it still nothing was there. I thought I was just imagining it. It kept whispering my name “Sofi Sofi” again and again.

But as the sun rose up the whispers slowly went away. My eyes were red from staying up so late. But I finally I fell asleep in peace. The next morning whispers weren't there so I was so happy. My parents looked at me and said “you look like you sow a ghost” I just looked at them and smiled.

Second Editing

It was a horrible day as we moved in to our new home. But it wasn’t new at all it was old and dark. Spiders crawled up the door, the wind blew up through cracks in the floor boards and paint was peeling of the weatherboards. It was like we were moving it to a dark hole, more like a set for a scary movie than a welcoming home. I wasn’t even brave enough to check the place out. “Come on Sofi its not that bad” mum said encouragingly.

Reluctantly I followed my mum and dad inside as they showed me my room. I was surprised because there was already a bed in it “Here you go sweetie we'll leave you to it” mum had said smiling. As I was getting settled I heard a whisper coming from underneath my bed saying “Welcome to my home” in a smooth voice. I cautiously looked underneath my bed but there was nothing to be seen.

I rushed downstairs to tell my parents but as I ran past the room opposite from mine I heard another whisper coming from behind a draw. Looking behind it still nothing was there. I thought I was just imagining it. It kept whispering my name “Sofi Sofi” again and again.

As the sun went down I tried to sleep but  the whispering kept me up. Hours and hours past and suddenly it was quite as the sun rose up the whispers slowly went away. My eyes were red from staying up so late. But finally I fell asleep in peace. I woke up late that day and whispers weren't there. My parents looked at me and said “you look like you sow a ghost” I just looked at them and smiled.